Self

The Promo Guy

I just told my mother about the love of my life and how I want to tell him that he's my 'candy crush'.  It would be incredibly witty as our first and only conversation was about the game.  Very romantic.

She said, "Don't you dare. Knowing you, you'll end up telling him that you're going to crush him."

Mood: Crushed.
Self

Elder Scrolls Induced Selfies

Woke up in yesterday's make-up and with hair that looked like it belonged in a Tim Burton movie.  Decided to take a picture to show you all what playing Elder Scrolls Online will do to you.  You will end up playing it until three o'clock in the morning and then walk around as a haggard zombie.

Unfortunately.. when I went to take the picture,

This is what happened.Collapse )
Self

LJ Idol Week 4 Recommendations.

Well, it's Week Four eliminations in LJ Idol & I've been having such a blast with the prompts. Having a community of other writers to read work from and brainstorm with has been so awesome.  I haven't done so much creative writing in a while.. the contest has been a great inspiration.

I'm a bit apprehensive about this week considering that I took a bit of a risk and decided to write a poem.  Not everybody likes poems.  I know this.  But there I went.  Posting away.  A poem.

In case you missed it, you can read it here.

If you liked what I wrote, you can vote for me in the LJ Idol poll here: Click to vote!



Some other recommendations in my group are:

buddyhollylover - Wrote a hilarious account of a three humped camel disgruntled with life and contemplating a hump reduction.  Completely ridiculous and light-hearted.  Read his entry here.

kandigurl - Her entry about white people and black Barbie dolls ('Addy dolls') was heart-stricken, horrifyingly empathetic and .. relate-able. Read the entry here.

kickthehobbit - One of my favourite LJ Idol authors - has been consistently brilliant. This week she wrote about the trials of a queer still-in-the-closet relationship in a really unique 'half narrative/half journal' style.  I wish I had a better way to phrase that. Best to just check it out for yourself.


Also - hey Friends List.  Thanks for being cool and not getting too annoyed with all this LJ Idol business.  (I'm picturing you reading that line while rolling your eyes.  Don't lie.  I felt you do it all the way from the other end of my computer screen.) Love you guys with all my heart.  Or at least with all the pixels it took to write that.
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Self

LJ Idol: Week 4: “Nobody can ride your back if your back's not bent”

kelsandme
Image description: Myself and my best friend. There's a topless dude in the background.  We don't know him.


Recording of the poem can be found at the following link: http://chirb.it/H5wt6e


How to Be Alive

In the city that I knew you
Even my dreams started falling apart
And I was so poor that I sold my umbrella
On a rainy day so I could buy macaroni and
Have it with you so we could have
The strength to wander scarred streets
And long avenues yawning down Broadway
And wander the night as black as sleep in
Search of unruly dreams.

And on the night I saw my first rat
In an alley you told me to be careful of
Falling glass because not everybody looks
Out for one another. So you said, you’ve
Got to look up and watch out at the same
Time, you have to look in constantly and force yourself to love
What you see like how

A bruise hugs your skin and turns
Blue tattooing your shin with the beauty of
What you’ve been through. You have to know
How to love you.

Past our tiny house, the hill, the gas station, library and whores,
There are crows painted on the train station floors
Trapped in flight or in mid fall

In the city where I knew you and you called home and
In which I still didn’t you said
You've got to stand up tall
Like you're rooted in cement
Because
Nobody can ride your back
If your back's not bent.

The shadows under my eyes
I promise are fading, the cuts
On all my toes are leaving
My sheared bits of hair, now growing
And the unshakable hunger in my belly, receding

Yet the bruises remain and
The scars, well, they still stay the same
But the important thing is

Even if my voice may be sort of small
Given a bit of time, it'll now
break down
walls.
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Self

A Not So Dramatic Reading

So the LJ Idol Poll for Week 3 went up and buddyhollylover and I are huge nerds and decided to do a classroom-style-reading of one of the other contestants' entry.

..Who we don't even know, because we're just that awkward.
And then we posted in it his/her comments.

Wow.

haha

Anyway, here's the recording if you don't have your book-on-tape with you today and want to listen to a sub par reading:

http://chirb.it/eFBDvz

And the entry: http://alephz.livejournal.com/633453.html#comments
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Self

LJ Idol: Week 3: Another Castle

Another Castle Emerges at Magic Kingdom Park

Belle-in-the-Park-new-style-disney-princess-33558125-333-500

Jessica Willis is the latest actress chosen to play the roll of Belle in the new expansion of Fantasyland at Magic Kingdom Park. In honour of this achievement she sat down with Cosmic to talk about Disney, libraries, and how to survive as a wannabe princess.

“Where I'm at now... it's a dream come true,” Jessica Willis confides. “I mean, what little girl doesn't grow up secretly hoping that they're a princess?” It's true. Dressed in a pale yellow ballgown, white silken gloves matched with crystal shoes, dark auburn hair coiled in perfect ringlets, the book-smart heroine of Beauty and the Beast (not to mention multiple Tumblr feeds and Pinterest “How-To” tutorials) is the exact vision of what we all wanted to be when we grew up.

Apparently it was exactly what she had in mind for herself as well. “Belle was always my favourite Disney princess. I identified with her a lot because of her love for books. When I was younger, I was always carrying around a stack of books wherever I went. I wasn't like other kids,” she gives a bashful smile, momentarily gazing out the window of her quaint Orlando home. “I spent a lot of time at the library.”

When you're so hopelessly introverted, figuring out what you want in a guy helps. “I wanted someone who was more outgoing than me. I wanted him to be manly and suave. I wanted him to be more intelligent than I am. I can't be counted on to think on a rational level. It's like I'm living in a fantasy land,” she pauses here. “Well I guess, I literally am now.”

To compensate for her established weaknesses, Jessica began carrying around stacks of books in order to attract potential suitors. “It isn't as easy as just carrying any books you pull off the shelf though.” she cautions. “You need to put some thought into it. I started out with my favourites, which were Science Fiction and Fantasy. Such. A. Disaster!” She rolls her eyes here and we can't help but notice her impossibly long lashes.

Disney princesses have been some of the most inspirational models to developing proper standards of femininity for girls everywhere. When Jessica begins talking about how she tamed her Beast, we're all ears.

“No matter what type of guy you're trying to snag, you need to start out with something sexy. Carry around Lady Chatterley's Lover for about a week. It's supposed to be a really racy read. Pair it with a low cut blouse and some hoop earrings and you'll have him head over heels. You don't actually have to read it, just dog ear a few of the pages to give the impression that you've invested a lot of time into it. You can spend the remainder of your energy at the gym. If you're going to be cuddling or doing you-know-what with anyone, you've got to look good!” As if to prove the infallibility of this plan, she slips off one of her long white gloves to reveal an engagement ring on her finger.

“He's totally the one,” she says. “I'm really happy. And when you're only making eleven bucks an hour at a theme park, you're going to need someone backing you up.”



Disclaimer: This is a work of satire/fiction.  Jessica Willis is not a real person and any resemblance to people who share this name (or happen to work in a Disney theme park) was entirely accidental.  Same goes for Cosmic magazine.  Minus the Disney part. In addition, the image is not my work and is linked to the original webpage.

Thanks to theun4givablesalycewilson for the beta reads

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Self

LJ Idol: Week 2: The Missing Stair

Dear Friend:

This is a letter to your twelve year old self. Or your current self. Well, this can even be a letter to your future self. Whatever the case may be, you're playing Super Mario. Not the new 3D version. Nope! You're playing the original NES version.

Are you there with me? You're sitting on your couch or your basement floor or maybe one of those old bean bag chairs. Your socks probably don't match. You have a bowl of Kraft Dinner beside you. Unless you're vegan; my apologies – you'd probably have a bowl of cashew sauce pasta. Gluten free, just to be safe. Delicious.

You have the whole afternoon ahead of you to play to your heart's content.

You're pixelated. Like, you're not fully formed yet. Well, obviously you're fully formed. It would be weird if you weren't. Not to mention creepy. What I mean to say is, you're not self-actualized. Like Mario, you're just a bunch of dots that are sort of connected, but you're not quite there. That's okay. I think we're all at this stage. We think we know who we are and what we're about, but we just keep surprising ourselves and becoming more and more and more defined.

The important thing is: You have a kick ass mustache.
I mean, three lives. The important thing is, you have three lives.


I'm not sure if you're fully aware of that though, because you seem a bit hung up on getting everything right on the first shot.

And you're so focused on finding short cuts that it's like you're bashing yourself against a brick wall. Actually, this is exactly what you're doing.

You want everything right now. You want coins. You want flower power. You want to kick turtles. And more than anything, you want to find that secret stairway to skip ahead.  (Remember Warp Zones?) Never mind doing the dirty work of Levels 2, 3, 5, 6, whatever. Who has the time.

But for the love of Goombas, you can't find that missing stair. You know the one I'm talking about? It's hidden in the air somewhere between one platform and another so you keep jumping across, back and forth, in hopes of eventually hitting it. (You're gonna make it some day.)

Meanwhile, there's a whole level in front of you just waiting to be explored.

My hope for you is that you find a way to embrace your pixelated, undefined life.That you take a few risks, fall down a few holes, shoot for the stars and end up in the sewer.  Because it's kind of fun down there.

And most of all, I hope you stop your endless search for that missing stair. It's stupid.

And you're also cheating.




Sincerely:

Player 2

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Self

LJ Idol: Week 1: Jayus.

The prompt for this week is:

Jayus

“From Indonesian, meaning a joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.”

I made a Choose Your Own Adventure Jayus.




Pauline said she wasn't leaving until I learned how to smile. She'd set the bottle of Bud in front of me and stood there, hands on her hips, apron pockets jangling with tip money, dark eyes hungry for more. I'd spent my last few dollars on the beer.

I'd sat there painstakingly counting out quarters, loonies and twoonies before leaving for the pub that evening. It was just enough to get me out of the house for an hour. I hadn't planned for a tip. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have come. It seemed I wasn't ready for the world of endless confrontation, forced conversation and money hungry waitresses. I wasn't ready for anything. I wanted to go home. Maybe The Secret Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D was still on. I liked Shield. If all else failed, I still had another two chapters left in my library book. I wasn't sure what I was thinking in coming out. I'd finish the beer and leave quietly. (Truth be told, I liked Molson better, but the Bud was on special.)

Pauline threw herself down on the stool beside me. “Alright, pal. We can do this one of two ways. Or rather, three. We can do it three ways.”

I wanted to die of embarrassment. I dug my hands around in my empty pockets and found a few pennies – a lot of good those would do me. I'd just be heaping insult upon injury.

Pauline – I knew her name was Pauline because it said 'Hi! I'm Pauline' on her Brewster's name badge – was examining her nails. They were painted a deep cosmic blue with silver stars and glitter over top. A few were chipped on the ends. This seemed to cause her a bit of heart ache. I wished I had a bottle of deep blue cosmic galaxy nail polish for her. Then I realized how strange that would be. To just whip out a bottle of nail polish. The exact kind she was wearing. That would be like, serial-killer-crazy. Or maybe just really serendipitous. I wondered where the line lay between the two.

“You don't talk much, hey? That's okay. Here's how we're going to settle up,” She took out her notepad and a miniature pen. “I'm going to tell you a joke. If I'm able to make you smile – no sympathy smiles either! Those don't count – I get to pick my own tip.”

I made a mental note to never go to Brewster's again.

“Fine,” I nodded, now determined not to crack even the weakest smile for the Plundering Pauline. “Go right ahead.”

“Well. I can't just launch right into it without knowing anything about you,” she grimaced.

“What do you need to know?”

“Your favourite colour. What's your favourite colour?”

“Uh.. I don't know.”

“How do you not know your favourite colour? Everyone has a favourite colour.”

“Orange, I guess.”

She wrote down 'orange' on her notepad. At least that's what I assumed she wrote.

“And how would you describe your sense of humor?



Choose:

Dry

Slapstick

High brow



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Self

LJ Idol

I saw kehlen_crow sign up for therealljidol today and figured that it might be fun.  From what I gather, it's a writing community that issues out prompts and you write on them and comment on other people's submissions and things.  I'm not sure if I can think of a livejournal user who wouldn't benefit from something like this.  I mean, it's why we use the website in the first place, right?

Anyway, in order to sign up, you're supposed to post an introduction. This is mine.

Hi LJ Idol people.  I'm Nichole, I'm 29, I live in a small town in Alberta, Canada.  Quite literally the middle of nowhere.  This will be my first season doing this so I'm not exactly sure what to expect.  Looking forward to it though!
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